Australian readers, count your blessings where you find them: you do not have to endure TV advertisements for prescription medications, or for individual law firms. Lately I’ve been struck by one particularly urgent commercial, featuring two alleged victims. Each victim describes their fall or other accident and then, looking directly into the camera, states:

“I suffered pain. I needed law.”

Have you suffered pain? A strident male asks again over the ensuing voiceover. If so, apparently I need law. More specifically, the ambulance-chasing law firm paying for this ad. It’s as simple as dialling 1-800-LAW or something like it. There’s no need for me to worry about the cost of it all, either, because they also clearly state they have “attractive payment plans” for me. I guess that means that when they bleed me dry I won’t feel a thing.